Lost and Found
by NatesDate
Summary: Harry visits with Ruth's mother after the events of Cotterdam.
1. Lost

**Lost and Found**

**Disclaimer:** Spooks belongs to Kudos and the BBC.

**A/N:** This is a two-part story, though I have to apologize that the first chapter ended up quite long. I hope you will still give the story a chance.

For those of you who've not read the book Harry's Diary, here's a little background information. Once Harry returned to the Grid after seeing Ruth off at the end of 5.5, he received a message that his daughter Catherine was injured in a bombing in Lebanon. Harry immediately left the Grid in Adam's hands and flew to the Middle East. He eventually was able to locate Catherine and stayed with her for several weeks until she was well enough to travel home. This story starts as Harry returns to the Grid after that trip, before the start of 5.6.

* * *

**Lost**

"Welcome back."

"Thank you, Adam. It's good to be back."

"How's Catherine?"

"She's getting better and happy to be home with her family. She's staying at her mother's right now and Jane is so relieved to have her there that she's even allowing me to visit. I guess miracles do happen."

Adam smiled. "I'm glad she's doing well. Before I brief you on what has happened in the past few weeks, there's something else I'd like to mention. It has to do with Ruth."

Harry shot Adam a warning look. When Ruth left, they – Harry, Adam, Zaf, and Malcolm – agreed never to speak of Ruth while on the Grid. Despite all the counter-measures in place, Harry couldn't trust that someone like Oliver Mace wouldn't have the ability to find a way to bug the Grid. Harry refused to take any chances when it came to Ruth's safety.

Adam saw the look on Harry's face but continued on. "We had a small memorial service for Ruth while you were gone. Obviously the Service didn't pay for one considering the circumstances surrounding her death, but a few of us still wanted the chance to say goodbye. Zaf contacted her mother, Elizabeth Bickley, and she came up from Cheltenham to join us. She asked about you."

Harry kept his face impassive as Adam spoke but those last words caught him off guard. "She asked about me? Why?"

"Mrs. Bickley is aware of where Ruth worked and what she did. Apparently the family was fully vetted when Ruth's step-brother worked in Royal Protection, so when the background work was done for Ruth's move from GCHQ, Ruth told her mother where she would be working. When she came for the service, she said that Ruth had mentioned you several times in conversations and emails. Mrs. Bickley was hoping to speak with you since Ruth always spoke so highly of you."

Harry knew that Adam wasn't saying this to be cruel, but it was still difficult to hear. Harry had mastered the art of controlling his emotions through his 'self-control, self-denial' mantra, and that control, when it came to Ruth, had been deceptively easy while he was in Lebanon frantically searching for Catherine. But now that Harry was back on the Grid and not preoccupied with his daughter he was finding that control severely tested.

"Mrs. Bickley was understandably upset about Ruth's death and she was having trouble with the idea that Ruth would have committed suicide. I don't think she's interested in making trouble for the Service, Harry. She understands that the full details surrounding Ruth's death can't be released, but I think if you were to speak to her, it would ease her mind," Adam suggested.

"And what would you have me tell her? That her daughter was colluding with others to allow for illegal torture?" Harry exclaimed.

"We both know that Ruth did a lot of good while she was here and that her work saved many lives. Tell her those things and let her remember the good her daughter did."

Harry sat quietly thinking about Adam's words. A meeting with Ruth's mother wouldn't be easy but he felt he owed it to Ruth.

"I'll call her when we finish here," Harry said, signaling to Adam that this part of the conversation was over.

* * *

He hoped it wasn't too late to be calling. Nine in the evening certainly wasn't late by his standards but working in Section D meant that it was never too late or too early when it came to national security. After the third ring, heard a woman's voice on the other end, and he was struck by the familiarity of the voice. He knew it wasn't Ruth, but he hadn't counted on her mother's voice being so similar.

"Mrs. Bickley, this is Harry Pearce calling. I hope I've not called too late and disturbed you."

"Harry Pearce…" her voice trailed off as she tried to place the name.

"I worked with Ruth in London."

"Mr. Pearce, yes, of course. Thank you for calling. I was hoping for a chance to speak with you."

"I'm sorry that I've not been in contact sooner. I just returned to the country and my colleague Adam mentioned that you wanted to speak with me. I first want to pass on my condolences to you. Despite what happened, Ruth was a valued employee and someone I considered to be a friend."

"Thank you again. Ruth mentioned you quite often and I know she thought of you as a friend and held you in high regard as a boss, Mr. Pearce."

"Please, call me Harry. I was hoping that I could visit you tomorrow. I know its short notice, but…"

"Harry, it's fine. And please call me Elizabeth. I'm free tomorrow so what time should I expect you?"

"Will late morning be alright? Sometime after 11, I expect. I can call you when I'm out of the city."

"I'll see you then. I don't imagine you need my address or directions," she said, a smile evident in her voice.

Harry chuckled back. "No, I don't. I'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

As a member of the Security Services Harry was expected to show confidence regardless of the situation and after nearly 30 years he had gotten very good at hiding any nervousness he might be feeling during an operation. As he pulled up in front of Mrs. Bickley's home though, he found himself feeling a level of anxiety he'd experienced too often in the past few months, first with Ruth and Cotterdam and then Catherine and the bombing. Taking a deep breath, he exited the car and made his way to the front door. Before he had a chance to ring the bell the door opened and he found himself face to face with a woman who resembled Ruth.

"Mr. Pearce, welcome," Elizabeth said as she held open the door and extended her hand.

"Thank you, but please, call me Harry," he replied with a small smile as he grasped her hand with his own.

"Of course, and I'm Elizabeth. It's lovely to finally meet you. Come in," she said as she moved back into the house and guided him through to the kitchen.

Harry closed the door behind him and turned to follow her but stopped short a few steps later when a framed family photo on the wall caught his eye. A younger Elizabeth was standing next to a tall man with dark blonde hair and blue eyes. '_So that's where she got them from_,' he thought to himself. Standing between the two was a young Ruth with a wide carefree smile and those blue eyes Harry had come to love.

"She was 10 there. It's the last family picture we had before her father passed away," Elizabeth said quietly.

Harry had been so caught up in the photo that he hadn't realized she was standing near him. He turned to her and caught the sad look on her face. First her husband died and now she thought that her daughter was gone as well.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't able to attend Ruth's memorial service. I wish I could have been there," Harry said.

Elizabeth nodded and started to move back towards the kitchen again. "Mr. Carter mentioned that you had a family emergency out of the country. I hope everything is alright."

Harry followed her and took a seat at the table in the sunny room. "My daughter was injured in a bombing in Lebanon. Thankfully I was able to find her and I stayed with her until she was well enough to return to the U.K."

"That's good to hear. Losing a child isn't anything I'd wish on a parent," she added softly. Realizing that she hadn't offered Harry any refreshment, she continued on. "Would you like some tea? I know I could use a cuppa."

Harry nodded. "Tea is fine, thank you." He paused, lost in a memory. "I was at Ruth's home shortly before her death, after a bad day in the office. I told her she needed sweet tea, as if that was a cure-all for what she'd been through that day. She commented that it was 'very English'." He managed a small smile as he remembered that morning, and thought of all the things he could have done differently and wondered if any of it would have made a difference.

"My first husband James was the tea drinker in our family. I enjoy a cup now and then, but James was a tea connoisseur. Ruth was always a daddy's girl and developed her love of tea from him, among other things," Elizabeth said with a hitch in her voice.

"I'm sorry, I certainly didn't intend for this visit to be difficult."

She shook her head gently and smiled. "No, I'm quite glad for your company. Your name was mentioned frequently when she talked about work and her friends. She obviously thought quite a lot of you."

Harry looked into his teacup, afraid that his true emotions for Ruth would be evident on his face. "Despite everything, Ruth was a valued employee and someone I came to consider as a friend. Her death has been difficult to accept."

Elizabeth nodded, but neither spoke. It was a few minutes before her voice broke through the silence. "I know that Ruth worked for MI-5, as an analyst for Section D. I signed the Official Secrets Act when Peter was selected to work in Royal Protection and again when Ruth made the move from GCHQ to MI-5. She told me she was simply an analyst and that I didn't have to worry, but I was worried for her; I'm her mother, it's what we do."

Harry smiled, knowing that he was the same way with his children.

"She never told me anything that she shouldn't have, of course. She did talk about her co-workers from time to time. She mentioned you, more and more so over the last year. She used to tell me about the pranks that Zaf and Adam would try and how she missed her friends Zoe and Sam after they moved on to different jobs."

Harry nodded. "When Ruth first started, my staff didn't quite know what to think of her. She was intelligent, that much was obvious, but she was a little different as well. Someone described her as 'bonkers but brilliant' and it didn't take long for her to become indispensable. I'm not sure how we managed before she arrived and now that she's gone..." Harry trailed off, unsure what he wanted to say next.

"I have to say, I was surprised when they told me that she committed suicide. Ruth... well she went through a period of depression when her dad died, we both did. James was my soul mate and Ruth was always a daddy's girl so we both were quite lost. I thought that sending her to boarding school would help her, to give her new challenges to take her mind off her dad but it was nearly two years before she really seemed to accept what happened and pull herself out of the depression. Since then, she's had times when she seemed a bit blue, but she was never suicidal." She paused to look at Harry, whose eyes never left her. "Was my daughter depressed? Because the last time I talked to her, just two weeks before she died, she was happy. She said she'd been on a date that went really well. She wouldn't tell me anything about him except that it was someone she'd known for several years but that she never thought he'd ever see her as more than a friend."

Harry again dropped his eyes to his cup, an internal debate raging within him. He suddenly wanted to tell Elizabeth the truth, that Ruth had sacrificed herself, but not in the way that had been reported. She'd sacrificed her life in England for him and that she'd been on a date with him. That Ruth was still the good and honorable daughter that she'd raised and loved. On the other hand, he'd only just met Mrs. Bickley. She didn't seem like the type to disregard the Official Secrets Act and start talking indiscriminately about what happened to Ruth, but all it would take was for word to get back to Mace and his associates and Ruth's freedom and her life could be at risk again.

"Harry, are you alright? Your face has gone quite pale," Elizabeth observed.

Putting a smile on his face, he said, "I'm fine, thank you. Can you tell me about Ruth as a child? She didn't talk about her childhood much but I imagine she was an extraordinary child."

Elizabeth laughed. "That's a good word to describe her. Ree was a bright girl who had no shortage of friends. She wasn't particularly athletic but she spent a lot of time riding bikes with her friends and swimming in the stream at a friend's house. I've said she was her father's daughter. He had a love of Arabic literature, which was instilled in him by his mother, who lived for a time in Saudi Arabia as a child. He knew the language and loved to teach Ruth and she absorbed it like a sponge. After her father died, I found a tutor for her so she could continue to learn the language. When she went to boarding school she started learning Latin and Greek as well as continuing her French, which she'd started in primary school. She had a real gift for languages and she felt like continuing with that was a tribute to her dad.

"Did you call her Ree? Was that a nickname?" Harry asked.

Elizabeth smiled. "I haven't called her that in years. Ree was her father's nickname for her; it's her initials you see. R, E, E, for Ruth Elizabeth Evershed. When James died, she asked me not to call her that anymore."

"Was it difficult for her when you remarried?"

"It was, but to her credit she wasn't a brat about it. David is a good man but our marriage isn't one based on passion. We were good friends with similar interests and decided that companionship was enough for us. David's wife passed away five years previous and he missed sharing his life with someone. His son Peter was two years older than Ruth and they got on alright, though they only saw each other during summer and on holidays."

"I know that Peter died a couple of years ago..." Harry trailed off when he remembered that Elizabeth believed Ruth died of suicide just like Peter.

"He had a hard time with Diana's death and nothing was the same afterwards. David and I tried to get him help but he never seemed to be able or even willing to try and get past her death. I often wondered if losing his mother at the same age that Diana's boys were when she died made it more difficult for him. He was very close to his mum, but his parents also had a good marriage."

"Sorry for the odd question, but I seem to remember that Peter's surname was Haig, and I thought your husband's surname was Shaw?"

"You're right. Peter's mother was Gillian Haig and she was an only child. When she married David she kept her name and her father asked her to consider, if she ever had a son, to give him the surname Haig to keep it alive. When Peter was born, David agreed to her request. David has several brothers who've all had boys, so the Shaw name was being continued. David isn't one to get hung up on family legacies and he knew it was important to Gillian."

"Ah, that makes sense. Speaking of your husband, is he around?"

Elizabeth shook her head. "He's a literature teacher at Cheltenham College but he's doing an exchange with another school in France this term. He was home on break shortly after Ruth passed away. He volunteered to stay home but I told him he should go back and finish the term so he'll be back next week. He checks in with me regularly and I have a small group of friends that have helped me through this time."

"That's good to hear."

After a pause, Elizabeth decided it was her turn to ask some questions. "Harry, you said that you considered Ruth to be a friend. Were you close or were you just close co-workers? She mentioned your name frequently over the past year."

Harry took a deep breath. "Ruth was one of my most trusted employees and I did consider her to be a good friend. As the Senior Analyst, she had to take in all the various information and boil it down to the salient details for me and the team to use and she was very, very good at her job. She was calm and collected under pressure and was well respected by her co-workers."

"If that was the case, why would she commit suicide? No one from the Security Services will give me a straight answer, and I'm not naive enough to expect that I will be given the whole truth, but in my heart I can't understand why she would commit suicide; it just wasn't in her nature."

The internal debate within Harry reared up once again. He didn't want to lie to Ruth's mother, but he wasn't convinced that telling her the truth would be better. Would it be better or just harder to know that your child was alive but living in exile and you would likely never see or hear from her again?

"I'm sorry that I can't share with you the details that led up to her decision, but I'll tell you want I can. Something came to Ruth's attention and she shared it with me. I didn't think it was a major issue but Ruth didn't let it be. As things progressed, Ruth took some actions that I didn't agree with and I believe she was trying to protect our section and me, but unfortunately the situation spiraled out of control more than anyone expected. I don't believe that it was an action that she took lightly and that she felt there was no other option. If I would've had the opportunity, I'd have done everything in my power to change her mind. I wish I'd have taken her seriously when she first came to me and that weighs heavily on my conscience." Harry took a deep breath. "Regardless of the events that led up to her death, Ruth was a fine officer and saved the lives of many people and prevented untold terror from taking place on British soil with her work. That's what we should remember about her."

Elizabeth looked at Harry with tears in her eyes. "Thank you for sharing that with me. I know my daughter was an honourable person. When I went to London for her service, I met with several of her co-workers, who were all very gracious and complimentary of Ruth and her work. They obviously thought highly of her."

Harry nodded, "Indeed they do... did." Harry settled his internal debate, but he needed a change of location before he could proceed. "I have a request that I hope you won't find too difficult."

Elizabeth simply nodded, indicating for Harry to continue.

"Will you take me to Ruth's gravesite? I'd like to see where she is buried and say a proper goodbye." Harry held his breath, unsure if his request was too much to ask.

Elizabeth took a deep breath. "Yes, I'll take you. I was planning to visit anyway. The cemetery manager rang me the other day to say that her headstone has been installed, so I may be a bit emotional."

Harry nodded. "Fair enough."

"Let me get my things."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Harry put the car in park and took in the view before him. Despite the rows of headstone, it was a beautiful sight, with gentle hills and scattered trees. He and Elizabeth stepped out of the car and wordlessly he began to follow her through the stones. It was unseasonably warm today but he enjoyed the sun beating on his face.

It only took a few minutes, but Elizabeth slowed as she neared the gravesite. Matching her pace, he gave her space to approach the site first and take in the newly-placed stone. He watched as she knelt in the dry grass, her fingers tracing over the letters of Ruth's name. Harry glanced to the right of Ruth's stone and noticed it was the grave of her father. He thought Ruth would be happy to know that was her final resting place, at least as far as the rest of the world was concerned. He turned back to Elizabeth and realized she was calling his name.

"Would you like some time alone with her? I'm going to sit on this bench to give you some privacy."

Before Harry could respond, she stepped back and sat on a bench he hadn't noticed until now. He moved over and stood facing the stone, thankful that Ruth really wasn't beneath the ground at his feet. After a few minutes he stepped back and sat next to Elizabeth on the bench.

"The stone is lovely, don't you think? Ruth would've hated anything too fussy and this one is just like her father's."

Harry nodded as he looked for the right words to start this difficult conversation. "Elizabeth, I need to tell you something and I hope you will understand that what I'm about to tell you can never be shared with anyone, not even David."

She looked at Harry with a questioning look. "Are you going to tell me what really happened to my daughter? What she really was involved in?"

"Somewhat and it's not going to be easy for either of us. But before I start, I want to tell you who Ruth had dinner with that night, the night she told you about."

"You know him? Why didn't you say before?"

"It was me. I took your daughter out for dinner and it was the most wonderful date I've ever been on."

"You? But why wouldn't she... Did she die because of you? What did you get her involved in?" Elizabeth's voice was growing louder and Harry placed his hand on her forearm gently, hoping to quiet her.

"I will tell you what I can, I promise, but you have to know that I would never have done anything to put Ruth in danger. It started when Ruth witnessed the suicide of a man one morning on her way to work. He asked her to make change and then dashed off. When she found him on the crowded platform to give him the rest of his money, he jumped, right in front of a train and was killed. Ruth was in shock and she called me from the tube station, where I picked her up and took her back home."

Harry proceeded to tell Elizabeth the story of Mik Maudsley and how Ruth was convinced he was trying to pass a message to her and what was eventually discovered about the fire at Cotterdam. He left out some details, like Oliver Mace's name and what had transpired between the two of them, but otherwise he was telling her much of the full story.

"The next morning I received a call, telling me that a body had been pulled from the Thames and it was suspected to be Ruth's body. I was asked to come and provide identification."

"I wondered who did that. Selfishly I was glad that I didn't have to do that. I didn't want to remember her that way."

"I'm glad you didn't have to do it either, and you don't have to remember her that way." Harry paused as he glanced over at Elizabeth, noting the confusing settling on her face. "I wasn't completely truthful with you earlier, particularly about why I wanted to visit Ruth's gravesite. As I mentioned, the situation I've just told you about involved some unethical actions by particularly unethical people. I'm not convinced that they aren't still watching me, hoping to find something they can threaten me with to cooperate with their despicable actions."

"Why would they be watching you? You said these men were removed from the government, and Ruth killed herself over this whole mess. Isn't it over? I don't want to sully her final resting place with talk of these events," Elizabeth said, still confused.

"Elizabeth, I assure you, I would never do or say anything to sully Ruth's name. I wanted to come here so we could speak privately, so I could tell you what really happened, and to tell you," Harry took a deep breath, knowing that once these words passed his lips he couldn't take them back, "Ruth isn't dead. She didn't commit suicide and she's not buried in that grave in front of us."

As expected, Elizabeth reacted with a sharp intake of breath. But before she could speak, Harry started once again. "I will tell you more and answer your questions but please know that Ruth is fine. I saw her get on a boat and leave for France. I wanted to tell you this but above all I need to keep Ruth safe, so that's why I'm telling you here and not in your home, on the off-chance someone is watching you. Please, for the sake of your daughter and her safety, we need to continue to act as though she is buried before us."

Elizabeth openly cried as she rooted around in her handbag for a tissue. Harry handed her his handkerchief and gave her the time to work through her tears. After a few minutes, the sobs subsided. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess. You've brought me happy news and all I can do is cry."

"I'm sorry that you've had to go through any of this, but please know that Ruth's safety is my top priority and I will continue to do whatever is necessary to protect her."

Elizabeth nodded, showing that she understood. "Is she still in France? Would I be able to visit her?"

Harry shook his head. "I saw her off a month ago and I know the boat was headed for France, but that's all. I don't know under what name she is living or where she planned to go. I know this is going to be difficult because you can't contact her, but at least you know she is alive."

"To know that she isn't dead...I don't even know what to say. I'm thrilled and yet I may very well still never see her again." It was a few moments before she continued. "Harry, thank you for confiding in me. Ruth told me once that one of the things she admired about you was your integrity, the ability to make the hard choices that no one would ever want to have to make, and I can see that is true."

"I know this goes without saying, but you can't tell anyone, not even David. Never mind the Official Secrets Act, keeping this information secret could be the key to keeping Ruth alive and safe."

Elizabeth nodded her understanding before Harry continued. "If you like, once we get back to your home, I can check to see if there are any monitoring devices in your home that may have been placed there. I'd like to think that these men wouldn't go so far as to do that, but I don't want to compromise your safety any more than Ruth's. Will that be alright with you?"

"Yes, I think I would feel better if you did so." Elizabeth reached over and grasped Harry's left hand, which had been resting on the bench beside her. "Will you promise me something, Harry? That if you ever have contact with Ruth again you will tell her that I love her and hope that she is happy. As hard as it will be, I can live with never hearing from her again if it will keep her safe."

Harry nodded. "I promise. I wish I could tell you that I'd be speaking with her soon or that she could come home after a few months have passed, but I can't."


	2. Found

**Lost and Found**

**Disclaimer:** Spooks belongs to Kudos and the BBC.

**A/N:** This chapter is set after 8.2. Thank you for the wonderful reviews. Your support is heartwarming. Sorry for delay in posting this. I was away with my family for a hockey tournament and the hotel had spotty wifi - you know the kind where you have to sit at a 69 degree angle while blinking your eyes and humming "God Save the Queen" so that it doesn't kick you off. Fun times!

* * *

**Found**

Ruth was settling in to the flat Five had arranged for her but she found herself missing so many things. Thinking of the pictures and books from her house in Polis reminded her of the things she left behind in her London house three years prior. She thought of ringing Jo to ask her if she knew what happened to her house when the doorbell rang. Only a few people knew where she was or that she was even alive so it narrowed the possibilities of the visitor's identity.

"Evening, Ruth. I hope I'm not disturbing you," Harry said.

"Hello, Harry. No, I was just trying to get settled. Would you like to come in?"

"Thank you. I hope this place is alright. Ros thought it was the best choice available," Harry said as he took off his overcoat and hung it on a hook.

Ruth let the surprise show on her face. "Ros picked this one for me?"

"Took an afternoon off to personally check out several of the possibilities and said this was the only one that was acceptable."

Ruth was amazed. "I don't even know what to say. Ros and I certainly didn't get along when I left and other than a few words after... you know... we haven't spoken to one another."

"I would hazard to guess that she felt it was the least she could do after all everything that happened." Harry didn't want to dwell on that matter so he changed the subject. "I want to thank you for agreeing to come back to the Grid, though I wish it were under better circumstances."

It was Ruth's turn to be lost for words so she simply turned and moved into the sitting room, taking a seat in a chair and leaving the sofa for Harry. Though it had been several weeks since she returned to the UK, the events surrounding George's death were still fresh enough in her mind that she felt it best to keep distance between Harry and herself. Despite everything, Ruth found herself experiencing moments when her feelings for Harry were re-awakened and it terrified her. She wasn't ready to deal with that on top of everything else.

"Ruth? Are you alright? You looked miles away just then."

She turned her head to see Harry sitting across from her and another of those re-awakened thoughts sprung to mind; that she wished she was sitting next to him and not across the room. Time to get back to business.

"I'm fine, perhaps a little tired from getting settled. I'm glad you stopped by though, I was just wondering what happened to my house and all my stuff when I left. I'm sure IA tore the place apart, but I was hoping maybe a few things had been salvaged."

Harry nodded. "Adam and Zaf employed a few devious tricks to keep IA out of your house for a few days so they could get in and remove what they thought you might like. Jo and Malcolm helped as well, though of course they told Jo that it was because they wanted to give your things back to your mother. Malcolm put the items in storage, with your mother's permission of course. She didn't have the room to keep the things and I think Malcolm felt like he had to believe you would return one day or else it would feel like you really had died." Harry paused for a moment, thankful for the chance to have this conversation. "I'll get the details from Malcolm tomorrow about the storage place. They saved quite a bit; I imagine it will be a bit like Christmas being able to see all those things again."

"I don't know what to say. I'm, well, thrilled to know that all is not lost." Something that had been niggling in her mind finally fell into place. "You didn't help Adam move my things?" She tried to keep her inquiry nonchalant, but wasn't sure if she succeeded.

"No, but I wasn't here to help. I only found out about it a few weeks later when I returned."

Ruth's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Where did you go?"

"Oh sorry. Catherine was injured in a bomb blast in Beirut. I had a message waiting for me when I returned to the Grid after you left. I handed everything over to Adam and left immediately."

"God, Harry, I'm sorry. Was she all right?"

"It took me a few days to find her, and then I gave her a blood transfusion, but she was fine. Her legs were quite injured and the doctors feared she would lose them, but thankfully she didn't. I stayed with her for a few weeks until she was well enough to travel home. She recuperated at Jane's home and made a full recovery."

"That's good to hear. Is she still here in the UK?

"She's been back there a few times but she does now spend the majority of her time here. It's one of the few things that Jane and I agree on; that we both worry less when she's here at home."

Ruth simply nodded, not really knowing what else to say.

Harry shifted himself on the sofa. "I know this question may seem unusual, but have you talked to your mum since you've been back?"

Ruth certainly wasn't expecting Harry to say that. "No, she thinks I'm dead. I can't just ring her. Why? Have you talked to her?"

Harry nodded. "Not since your return, no. I first met her shortly after you left. I went to Cheltenham to visit your grave and we usually speak on the phone right around your birthday."

"How is she?"

Harry paused in his reply and it wasn't missed by Ruth. "Harry, what aren't you telling me? Has something happened to my mum? Is she still alive?"

"She's fine and so is David. But there is something you need to know. Your mother knows that you're alive."

Ruth's jaw dropped in surprise. "What? How?"

"I told her. As I said, I visited her after I returned from Beirut with Catherine. Your mother took me to your grave and I know I shouldn't have but I told her the truth. Well, some of it, anyway."

"What made you get in touch with my mother?"

"When I returned, Adam told me about the service they'd held for you and how your mother came to London for it. She wanted to talk to me, so I drove to Cheltenham for a visit."

"Sorry, but there was a service for me, here in London. Why? I died a traitor, surely the Service didn't…"

"No, they didn't. But Adam, Zaf, and Malcolm knew that you weren't guilty, even if they couldn't let on to that. Jo didn't know that you were still alive, but she never believed that you were guilty, and there were others on the Grid whom knew and liked you and wanted to pay their respects. Zaf called and invited your mother and she came up to London. She told me she had a lovely talk with Adam, Zaf, Jo, and Malcolm and they were all very complimentary of you and your contributions at work."

Ruth's vision blurred slightly and she realized it was from tears pooling in her eyes. These wonderful friends she'd left behind, and now two of them were gone. Their actions after her exile reinforced her belief that she needed to visit their graves, to say goodbye and pay her respects. She took a deep breath to try and restore her composure.

"What made you tell her the truth?"

Harry shrugged, uncharacteristically. "Your mother knew that she wouldn't get the full story surrounding your death because you worked for Five, but she did tell me about a conversation the two of you had shortly before your death, one in which you were happy about a date you'd just gone on."

Ruth dropped her eyes, recalling the conversation with her mother, before looking back up to Harry. She half-expected to find him smiling, but instead he kept his emotions in close check.

"I don't know if I can tell you exactly why I told your mother the truth. Maybe it's because I felt that I didn't do enough to protect you or because I know how bad I feel about my son Graham. Even though we don't speak, I know he's alive and that's better than him being dead. So we went to your gravesite and sat on a bench in front of your grave and your father's and I told her the truth. I told her she couldn't tell anyone, even David, and I told her that your mystery date was with me. I held back from telling her that I love you and that letting you leave without saying it to you is one of my greatest regrets, but only because I felt like you should hear it first."

He shook his head as he paused before continuing. "I'm sorry; I didn't come here to dump on you, especially that, when things aren't what they were three years ago. I simply wanted you to know that your mother knows the truth, but I didn't want to tell her of your return without asking you first. She made me promise that if ever I was to see you again I would tell you that she loves you and hopes you are happy."

Ruth stood and walked around the room, her brain overwhelmed with everything Harry told her. Love, regret, parents, children, Harry, her mother. Her eye caught movement across the room so she stopped her pacing to register that Harry was moving towards the door.

"I know I said too much. I'll go and..."

"Harry, don't go, please. Will you call my mother and let her know that I've returned to England? I'd like to speak with her again."

Harry nodded. "Where's your phone?" Ruth walked into the kitchen and returned with her phone, which she handed to Harry. He dialed and waited for Elizabeth to pick up.

"Elizabeth, Harry Pearce calling. I hope I haven't caught you at a bad time."

Ruth watched as Harry made small talk with her mother and felt her anxiety rise, but in a good way. She had missed her mother dearly and unlike Harry, to whom she'd sent a postcard to tell him she was okay, Ruth had had no contact with her mother. She turned her attention back to Harry.

"Elizabeth, I once promised you that if I ever were to speak to Ruth again I would tell her that you love her and want her to be happy. Well, I've done just that and I think you should tell her yourself as well."

Ruth heard the sharp intake of breath through the phone as Harry handed it to her.

"Hi Mum, I'm home again. In England."

Ruth, whose last couple of weeks had been filled with too much anger, pain, and heartache felt it all fall away as she heard her mother's voice excitedly rattle off exclamations of joy and love interspersed with questions.

"Mum, yes I'm really back, here in London. It's been a few weeks actually... Don't be upset, Harry just told me that you've known and things have been really crazy since my return." She paused to let her mother speak.

Ruth saw that Harry had moved back to the other side of the room to give her space, before walking towards the front door. Ruth moved to intercept him while saying, "Mum, hold on a moment."

Her new-found joy caused to her to act without thinking and she reached for Harry's hand, giving it a strong squeeze. "Thank you."

Harry squeezed her hand in reply. "You're welcome. I'll ring you tomorrow with that information?"

Ruth nodded in return before releasing his hand and returning her attention to her mother. "I'm back, Mum. You were saying?"

Ruth sat down on the sofa, allowing the events of the past few weeks to fade away and for her mother's joy to envelop her.

* * *

That the past few days had been busy for Ruth was a good thing. Her mother insisted on coming to London for a visit and the two spent much of their time talking and enjoying simple activities such as going out for a cup of coffee or taking a walk through the neighbourhood. As promised, Harry had called her the next day with the information about the storage unit so she and her mother met Malcolm at the unit and they moved everything back to Ruth's flat. Between the three vehicles – Malcolm's Bentley, Elizabeth's Vectra, and Harry's Range Rover, which he'd borrowed to Ruth – they were able to load everything from the storage unit and move it back to her flat.

Harry had been right; it was a little like Christmas opening the boxes and not knowing what she would find inside. Her friends had done a good job of choosing what to save, with books, photo albums, framed pictures, music, and other things from around her house. They'd also saved her jewelry and a favorite china tea pot, which she had been telling Jo about not long before her exile. Ruth was overwhelmed with the memories these items brought back and she shed a few tears, but they were happy ones for these things she thought were lost to her forever.

Malcolm had stayed for a cup of tea after they'd unloaded the boxes but left soon after to get home and attend to his mother. Elizabeth and Ruth continued unpacking, with Ruth telling stories about many of the items as they were unpacked.

Ruth was telling the story behind a picture of the Section D team at a Christmas party one year when her mother asked if Harry would be stopping over.

"We haven't made any plans for him to do so. Why?" Ruth asked.

"It would be nice to see him again is all. He was good to me while you were away, even though I know he wished he had better news for me whenever we spoke. I'd like to thank him again for his kindness," Elizabeth said.

"I'll ring him, but it'll depend on what's happening on the Grid," Ruth noted as she left the room to make the call.

She returned a few minutes later with the good news. "Work is quiet and provided it stays that way for the next hour, Harry will come by afterwards."

"Wonderful! I best figure out what we're going to eat then."

It was just about two hours later when the bell rang, announcing Harry's arrival.

"Sorry I'm late. Traffic was snarled due to a crash," he said as he moved into the front hall and removed his jacket.

"Did you crash into the off-license on your way here?" Ruth joked, pointing at the bag Harry held in his hand.

"No, but I thought seeing mother and daughter reunited was worthy of some celebratory bubbly, if you don't mind."

Ruth smiled and took the bag from his hand. "Thank you. I'm going to check on dinner so why don't you go through and say hello to my mum," she said as she walked towards the kitchen.

Elizabeth rose from the sofa to greet him. "Harry, I'm so glad to see you again, especially under such wonderful circumstances."

Harry saw her standing with her arms extended and knew he wouldn't get away without embracing her so he approached her and accepted the gesture.

"It's good to see you as well, Elizabeth. I'm happy that you're able to see Ruth again and the look on her face when I called you was delightful."

"I think she was afraid to ring off for fear I was a figment of her imagination," Ruth said as she walked into the sitting room carrying a tray with the bottle of champagne and three wine glasses, which she set on the coffee table.

"That's not too far from the truth; it did feel like a dream," Elizabeth said with a smile as she returned to her seat. Harry sat opposite her as Ruth took the seat next to her mother.

"Harry, I asked Ruth to invite you over because I wanted to thank you once again for what you did for me, the trust and faith you showed by telling me that my daughter was still alive. I knew enough of your line of work to understand the gravity of that information and I want you to know that I never told another soul about Ruth being in exile, not even David. Of course, it took a bit of explaining when Ruth called and David quickly realized that I knew she wasn't dead, but I feel he'll eventually he'll come to understand. He is happy that Ruth is alive, but he still thinks of Peter and I'm sure he wishes the same could be true for him." Elizabeth took a deep breath. "Well, that was a mouthful, wasn't it?"

Harry simply nodded while Ruth looked a little awkward at her mother's speech. He noted her expression and asked, "Would you like me to open the champagne?"

Ruth nodded. "Dinner is ready so I thought we could have a glass before we go through to eat. Harry, would you do the honours? You brought the champagne, after all. Sorry I don't have any flute glasses."

Ruth had removed the foil wrapper from the bottle, exposing the cork. Harry picked up the bottle, deftly removed the cork, and poured three glasses. "Nonsense, these are just fine." He handed Elizabeth and Ruth each a glass before picking up his own. "To mother and daughter, reunited once again. Cheers!"

Cheers were exchanged and sips taken before Ruth suggested they move into the kitchen to eat. Watching Harry and her mother converse, Ruth acknowledged to herself that although she and Harry couldn't go back to the relationship they had before, she did want to rebuild her friendship with him. As for what may come after that, she would wait and see.


End file.
